Sigh 50 is closing in.

I am going to be 50 soon. It is safe to say my life is half over with.

I have accomplished some wonderful things to show for my life so far.

1) I will be married for 27 years this Friday.

2) Zach - Son #1

3) Ben - Son #2

4) My love of hiking

But I have some not so wonderful things to show for my life so far.

1) The scale (i.e. my weight – no you don’t get a picture.)

2) I am not the healthy. My asthma is kicking my but lately. I have not had a physical in 2 years. I really need to find an allergist in Michigan.

I remember graduating from High School and being so full of hope and excitement for the future. I have to admit I lost that excitement over the years. The good news is that I think I have found it again. As I approach 50 I am anxious over the not so wonderful things in my life but more importantly I am excited.

I am excited to find out what I will accomplish the second half of my life. So my wish list for the second half of my life are as follows.

1) Help my children finish High School and College.

2) Grandbabies. I hesitate to list this one because it isn’t up to me. Plus, I hope to not get them anytime soon. However, I really hope I get them sometime in the next 50 years.

3) Work. I have a lot of options I am thinking about. I am debating on starting an Heirloom Vegetable farm. I am also trying my hand at writing. Finally, it would be really cool to start a backpacking adventure company and do guided hikes. I would like to specialize in hikes for women.

4) Be a runner.  I have always wanted to run. I don’t know what draws me to running but I have always been drawn to it. I have started and stopped running numerous times over my life. However, I have never truly felt that I could say “I am a runner.” Which now that I have started writing this I realize that is silly of me. I came to this conclusion when I was trying to determine the minimum goal that I would need to accomplish to feel like I was a runner. What popped in my head was that I needed to be able to run 3 miles. Well I use to do this on a regular basis. Does it matter if I was fat and slow? Looking back on it I realize no it didn’t. I was a runner. So I just need to start running and bam! I am a runner!

However, I would like to do the following.

1) Run a 5K

2) Run an 8k

3) Run a 10k

4) Run a half marathon

5) Run a marathon

6) Run an ultra-marathon

That is my wish list for the last half of my life.

Sauerkraut

I have been trying to make sauerkraut.

When I first read the receipt it seemed really simple. Take cabbage and salt throw it together in a jar and wait. Simple, Right?

Not so much.

With my first try the cabbage didn’t release enough moisture to make brine. The cabbage has to be completely submerged in brine.  I read a couple of different websites that talked about making sauerkraut. I decided I must not have massaged my cabbage enough.

No you didn’t read that wrong. You supposedly have to toss the cabbage with salt and then massage the cabbage until it goes limp and starts to release water.

For the second batch I massaged my cabbage. I think my husband was jealous of the cabbage and with good reason. I haven’t massaged him that long in years.

It didn’t make any difference. My cabbage still didn’t release enough water to make an adequate amount of brine. All the websites I had read said that if you don’t get enough brine then you are doing something wrong.

But I am determined to make sauerkraut. I am tired of my food choices. I need something else. Plus sauerkraut is supposed to be full of probiotics and good for you. I want sauerkraut!

I read more blogs. Then I found a blog post in which the writer made a distinction between store bought cabbage and fresh cabbage. She said that if she uses store bought cabbage she never gets enough brine. Yes, I like this answer and it makes sense. Of course store bought cabbage would be more dried out than fresh cabbage. She also mentioned that her grand something or another would only make sauerkraut at night, during a full moon, in the fall, under an old oak tree, with a bunch of other women.  Supposedly this was the only time the cabbage would sour properly.

I have to say that sounds like to me they sold their husbands and children a load of poo poo and had a party.

So I began to wonder if all this massaging was really necessary.

Once again I bought a head of cabbage. I chopped it all up into nice thin slices. (At this point I am getting really good at chopping cabbage.) But this time I made a strong brine. I used 3 cups water and 5 tablespoons kosher salt.

I came to this amount of salt because the receipt I am using calls for 5 pounds of cabbage and 3 tablespoons salt. Unless you use kosher salt which I am, then you need to use 1 ¼ times the normal amount of salt. Plus to make brine the receipt calls for 4 cups water and 1 ½ tablespoons salt. I had about 4 pounds of cabbage from my head. So I figured about 2 ½ tablespoons salt. Adjusting for kosher salt I just called it 3 tablespoons. Then to make brine I needed another 1 ½ tablespoons. So I just rounded it off to 5 tablespoons. The reason I used 3 cups of water is because to dissolve the salt in the water to make brine you have to heat it. But then you have to let it cool before adding it to the cabbage. I skipped the cool down and just added 2 cups of ice. I figured 2 cups of ice melted should be about 1 cup of water.

After I had my 4ish cups of strong brine, I tossed the cabbage in the brine. Then I started cooking my beans. (I was making chilly.) Then I tossed the cabbage. Then I ground rice flour. Then I tossed the cabbage. Then I mashed bananas. Then I tossed the cabbage. Etc. Etc. Until an hour-ish later I had banana muffins made and hadn't let my beans burn. What happened to the cabbage? It looked just like all the websites said the cabbage should look like after it had been massaged enough. It was all nice and limp and wilty and had started releasing moisture (at least I think there was more brine).

I followed the rest of the instructions like I was supposed to. I weighted down the cabbage. I pushed it down once a days. I kept it covered. It sat on the counter and bubbled away.

Now a week later what do I have? Sauerkraut! It may be a little salty. Next time I am going to use 4 ½ tablespoons salt but I suspect that I will eventually go down to 4 tablespoons salt. Other than that it tastes wonderful. Granted I don’t know what homemade sauerkraut that gets massaged properly and doesn’t need brine tastes like but I think mine is just fine.

So if you are nuts and just want to make homemade sauerkraut or maybe your body is crazy like mine and reacts to store bought sauerkraut give it a try.

 

Brownies

Okay, I have worked out the kinks in the brownie recipe. I will admit that they are a little on the dry side but I haven't been able to fix that without causing the brownies to fall in the center after they are done baking. But they are egg, dairy, soy, flax seed and gluten free.  This is a really hard combination to achieve when baking.

Brownies

Dry Ingredients

1 1/2 cup Rice flour
1 1/2 cup Oat flour
1/2 cup Tapioca or Arrow Root Starch
2 cups Sugar
3/4 cup unsweetened Cocoa Powder
1 teaspoon Baking Powder
1/2 teaspoon Salt

Wet Ingredients
1 cup Water
1 cup Olive Oil
1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract

Other
1 cup Walnuts

Directions: Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Mix dry ingredients in a large bowl. Mix wet ingredients in a small bowl. Pour wet ingredients into large bowl with dry ingredients. Add Walnuts and mix. Pour in an 8x12 inch pan and bake for 25-35 minutes.

Side notes: I don't use an electric mixer for this recipe. I use a rubber spatula. If you aren't using an electric mixer just make sure the dry ingredients are well incorporated with each other. Also, I don't oil my pan before I use it. The brownies will be crumbly and you will need to use a metal spatula to remove them from the pan any way.

Also, why are both of these utensils called a spatula? It is very confusing in the above paragraph. I changed it to a "rubber" and "metal" spatula (even though my "metal" spatula isn't a "metal" spatula it is hard plastic.....just saying)

What's in a name?

Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner.

Those are powerful words. They pack so much meaning and even can illicit an emotional response.

There are specific foods for each words.

Muffin = Breakfast.

Sandwich = Lunch

Grilled Chicken = Dinner

But why?  Why must we eat specific foods at only those specific times?

Hello World. My name is Sheila and I have abandoned all preconceived notions of breakfast, lunch and dinner foods.

Yes, I serve my children leftover grilled chicken and vegetables for breakfast. I pack my children muffins and granola  bars for lunch most days.

I will admit that Dinner generally stays sacred but that is only because the few actual breakfast foods we can eat are generally saved for breakfast and lunch. Plus, I don't have a good bread recipe so I don't make bread very often.

Vow = Sooner or later I will perfect my bread recipe. (but for now it is edible at best)

 

Disney World with allergies and sensitivities.

The mention of Disney World in my last post got me to think about our Disney trip.  I wanted to mention a few things that most people don't know and Disney World doesn't widely advertise.

Did you know you can take food into Disney World? Yep you can. If anyone asks just tell them you have food allergies. Yes, I told them allergies not sensitivities. I did not want to go into the details and I am sure the person at the gate didn't want me to go into details either. We never bought anything but water when we were at Disney World. Even then we would all carry in a bottle of water and refill it from drinking fountains. But a couple of days it was hot and we just wanted cold water so we bought cold bottles of water a few times.

We rented a house near Disney World from Home Away. I am not recommending their site 100% but it worked for us.

We drove to Disney World. So I could pack coolers, specialty foods, pots, pans, and utensils. I packed all the can't live without specialty foods that I didn't want to risk not being able to find.

I goggled all the grocery stores in the area and printed maps and addresses to each one. (Don't get hung up on finding the chain you use locally. I really liked Publix but I had sticker shock from the price increase of the foods. However, they weren't much more than the super Target and were a better quality.)

Before we went I created a meal plan for each day that include snacks. The meal plan included the days we were driving to Disney World and home.

I then planned which days I would go shopping and created specific shopping lists for each shopping trip. I planned when I would bake or cook. This takes considerable amount of time so don't overlook allowing yourself time to cook and bake when planning where you are going that day.  A couple of days I made two meals and put the leftovers in the fridge so the following night I wouldn't have to cook.

We had a blast. The trip did require a lot of work for me. A couple of times I started a little pity party for myself. It would have been so much easier to just buy food or go out to eat. However, I tried not to let the pity parties last very long. I do need to accept the restrictions food sensitivities place in my life and stop comparing what I am doing to everyone else. This is a work in progress for me.

So Disney World is possible and it can be fun even if you have food sensitivities or allergies.

Affermation on being thankful!

Please don't take this blog post as being preachy. I am writing it for myself to remind me to be thankful.

I am struggling with shopping. I am struggling with my weight loss goals. I am struggling with not eating foods I shouldn't.

I need to remember all the times my children were sick. The days and days of them feeling miserable and laying on the couch doing nothing but watching T.V. in a daze.

I need to remember all the trips to the doctors office. Repeatedly over and over for the same infection. More and more antibiotics that got stronger and stronger.

I need to remember that even the times my children were "well" they were sick. So many times we couldn't do something because Benjamin had a headache or just didn't have the energy to leave the house.

The countless loads of bedding I washed.

The medication my children use to take every. single. morning. I use to make little towers out of the pills and inhalers to entertain my children. Why did I think this was a good thing?

Benjamin's mood swings.

Benjamin's tantrums.

Benjamin pretending to trip over nothing and pretending that he was hurt just for attention (so I thought - yep, a lot of guilt over this one still).

Worrying that I was raising a sociopath.

The trips to the emergency rooms with 105+ fevers, and one trip with a really low temperature.

The nights I would lie awake worrying if this round of medication was going to work. What would happen if they ran out of stronger medication to give my children before they got better?

Sitting beside Zachary's bed watching him sleep because he was struggling to breath with asthma and pneumonia.

What do I have now? 

Zachary is 13 years old and is 5' 9" tall. In the last 2 years he has been on antibiotics one time for strep throat. He has no large patches of warts on the bottom of his feet. He doesn't have problems with nocturnal enuresis anymore. Zachary hasn't had pneumonia since 2012. Zachary doesn't take any medication. Zachary has gone from being obese to a healthy weight.

Benjamin is 12 years old and is 5' 5" tall. I really don't remember the last time he was on antibiotics. I would guess it is pushing 2 years. Benjamin only has mood swings and starts to loose control when he is reacting and then he recognizes it and asks for help. Benjamin is full of energy and I have a hard time giving him enough physical activity. Benjamin rarely has headaches anymore. Benjamin has gone from being obese to being on the skinny side. I make sure he gets as much to eat as he wants. BUT I do not encourage him to eat more (that one is hard for me - and, honestly, he isn't skinny it is just my distorted body image). 

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE.... In 2014 for the first time ever I didn't have to use all my vacation days for sick children and we got to go on an actual vacation. We went to Disney World.

I need to remember these things and let them motivate me.

Best Brownies Ever CORRECTION!!

I HATE it when I get a recipe off a blog and it turns out terrible. Not just a little bad but an absolute disaster and you just know there is no way that blogger has even attempted to make the recipe.

So my sincerest apologies for doing that to you. It was an honest mistake.
 
After I made the brownies of my last post two times. Then I wrote the blog post. I waited two weeks to see if my children reacted. No one did, so I made the brownies again.
 
They turned out terrible! They were really gooey and obviously didn't have enough flour in them.
 
I blamed the bad brownies on Ben (sorry Ben). He had measured out the dry ingredients and I assumed he hadn't measured something incorrectly. I made a second batch and measured everything myself. They turned out exactly the same terrible way, exonerating Ben.
 
Now when I get a recipe off the internet I print it up on an 8x11 paper. Then I proceed with hand writing in all the changes I am going to make. I always cross of the salt. Salt is for the most part not needed in any recipe, it is just their for taste. Next I substitute the flours. A quarter of the flour needs to be a starch. Then the remaining flour I substitute twice as much rice flour. I always start with this mixture and then if I want the recipe moister I will use more oat flour and less rice flour. But this also makes the item more dense and heavy.
 
So if this recipe I did 1/2 cup arrow root starch, 1 cup rice and 1/2 cut oat. Now when I was converting I started to do 1 cup oat and 1/2 cup rice because I like dense moist brownies. However, I scratched out the measurements and changed them to my standard substitution.
 
When I remade the batch of brownies after the batch Ben measured I almost put in 1 1/2 cup oat flour because the "1" wasn't scratched out very well. So long story I must have put in 1 1/2 cup oat flour in the first batch I made.

I made a batch and use 1/2 cup arrow root starch, 1 cup rice and 1 1/2 cup oat flour and they turned out really good (like the first two batches.)
 
So one would think that this is the end just always use 1/2 cup arrow root starch, 1 cup rice and 1 1/2 cup oat flour. But then I made another batch of brownies and they were terrible. So now I really have no idea what is going on.
Currently the good and bad brownie batches stand at 2 good batches, 2 bad batches, 1 good batch, 1 bad batch.
 
Okay maybe I have some idea. The last batch of brownies I used 1/2 cup tapioca starch because I was out of arrow root starch and I had a different type of olive oil than I normally buy. So I am hoping it is one of those two things.
 
I have to go shopping for arrow root starch and olive oil. I will try yet again and let you know.

In the mean time I would NOT recommend trying the brownie recipe I posted.  Sorry for anyone's wasted time and ingredients. I know the ingredients are not cheep.
 
Also, stay tuned for muffin recipes. I have a good banana muffin recipe an I am working on zucchini muffins and carrot muffins.

Best Brownies EVER!

I used this recipe:

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/vegan-brownies/

In place of the 2 cups of flour I used, 1 cup rice flour, ½ cup oat flour,& ½ cup arrowroot starch. Also, I used olive oil in place of vegetable oil. Oh, and I added 1 cup of walnuts.

According to Myfitness Pal they have 296 calories, with nuts. (I put them in a 9x13 pan and cut 18 brownies.)

Okay, honestly they were a little on the dry side but I was really pleased with how they turned out for the first try. Next time I am going to try adding a Almond Milk to help moisten them up a little, probably only a couple of tablespoons.

Okay, maybe BEST EVER might be exaggerating. Maybe they were so good because we haven’t had any baked goods (except a B-day Cake) in about 6ish months.

We were once again struggling with a phantom reaction. I call it a “phantom” because I couldn’t figure out what we were reacting to. I still don’t know. I restricted our diet even more and took our even more processed foods, although there weren’t many to begin with. I consider flours, baking powder, baking soda, etc, processed food.

Once everyone was stable and reaction free for a while I slowly started adding things back in. We got back oatmeal, crisp rice, and peanut butter first.

We reacted to chocolate chips (gluten, soy dairy free of course) when I tried to introduce them back. We ate them 2xs and reacted. I am waiting a month or so and trying them again before I say they are out for good.

 

Whole 30 Program - My take

This whole "Gluten & Dairy Free Experiment" that I convinced my family to try on 4/1/2012 has been a journey. I have learned more about nutrition and food additives than I ever wanted to know. Don't even get me started on "Processing Aids".

We started this journey just to see if it would help with Nocturnal Enuresis. The whole family was going to eat Gluten & Dairy Free in support of one member (well secret deals were on the side). It worked wonders for the Nocturnal Enuresis but it made other family members extremely sick when we snuck the secret deals on the side (i.e. splurged and went out to eat).

Finally, I realized that for years what the doctors had told me about myself and my children were wrong. We didn't have environmental allergies, asthma didn't just run in my family for no apparent reason, we weren't just prone to getting sick all the time, etc etc. It was a combination of food allergies and sensitivities.

After two years of failing to accommodate allergies and sensitivities while still eating processed foods I switched us to basically a whole food diet. We do have 7 items that we buy that are minimally processed and they are brand specific. (catsup, bbq sauce, peanut butter, rice noodles, rolled oats, crisp rice, & jelly) Everything thing else is a meat, vegetable, or fruit.  I should mention the meat is meat from the meat department...a slab of meat of some sort. No frozen meat of any type...remember the processing aids I mentioned earlier...they show up here. Fruit is fresh or frozen, no canned (I'm not sure if processing aids or if it is cross contamination is the problem here) Vegetables can be fresh, canned or frozen but no salt or seasoning.

We have been eating like this for 1 1/2 years now. We are all extremely healthy now. We very seldom get sick and even rarer do we need antibiotics. In 2014 each child had to be on antibiotics one time each. (In 2011 had a child on antibiotics 215 days)

So I will take ALWAYS having to cook from scratch and NEVER going out to eat. When I want to make chilly I have to plan 2 days in advance, soak the beans - day 1, cook the beans - day 2, make the chilly - day 3. (After work I only have a limited amount of time) To make banana muffins, grind the rice into flour, grind the oats into flour, mash the bananas...you get the picture.

So when my sister started the Whole 30 Program to loose weight what did I say to her?????

ARE YOU NUTS? WHY WOULD YOUWILLINGLY DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

She was less than happy with my response (I may have ranted a bit). But then I thought: What if it helps people. Who am I to question if someone wants to eat healthy...even if it only to loose weight...even if they are only doing it for 30 days.

So to all you Whole 30 people (and my sister).....knock yourselves out. I hope you feel better and get what you want out of the program.

After your 30 days I will spend 3 days making chilly in your honor.

Now I remember why I blog.....

I stopped blogging for a while.  If felt like I was a failure because I didn’t do my Dirty Girl Mud Run.  I wasn’t.  I had 3 broken toes. 

Then I discovered hiking…..can I say I just LOVE hiking

Also, I remembered why I wanted to blog….To keep me focused.  I have been forgetting to be thankful when I go shopping.  After I re-read my previous blog post I remember the epiphany I had.  I am thankful I have the means to buy food and I know what to buy to keep my children happy.

I have also resigned myself to the fact that our “safe” foods will be an ever changing list.  I don’t know if the manufactures are changing something or if my children’s sensitivities change.  All I know is that Earth Balance Soy Free Butter and all forms of chips are out now.  They are missed. 

However, my children are happier and healthier than ever.

We survived the holidays.  Christmas was 100% successful.  Thanksgiving was mostly successful. On Thanksgiving we had an extended family dinner.  We tried our best but did have reactions to something.   

So that is where we are.

Mother's Day!

I got up this morning.  Did dishes. Said good bye to the one child that was awake and went grocery shopping.  Only when I was checking out and the guy behind me said he had to go shopping for Mother's Day did I remember it.  Oops.  Hubby and I have an unwritten rule that when it is a birthday, Father's Day or Mother's Day that the person of honor is supposed to sleep in.

I got home and everyone was in the kitchen making breakfast for me.  Not exactly breakfast in bed like planned.

By the way...grocery shopping is going much better now.  I don't hate it.  I am thankful for knowing how to keep my children healthy.  Now if only I had more will power for the times I am alone.  I went out to Chinese food last week.  It was so good at the time but I paid the price.  I haven't exercised for 5 days because I have been sick.  Today I am finally feeling well.

I bought $224 worth of meat, beans, vegetables, fruits, and nuts today.  Well, there were 5, 2 litters of coke, 7 zero calorie sports drinks, brown sugar, almond milk, and vegan soy free butter.  But I think that is all.  (I buy specialty bread, noodles, chocolate chips, rice, oatmeal, and crisp rice at a Foodies which is an hour away.  When I buy these things I buy enough for a month.)

Happy Mother's Day!

Silence..sometimes it isn't golden

I am forcing myself to write this post.

I have to admitt I am struggling with training for my mud run.

I am not losing weight.  This is really making me question myself.

I am still exercising.  Maybe not as hard or as much as I should but some days I surprise myself by how much I do.

One day reciently...I got up and walked/ran.  I took Scooby (16 weeks old now) for a bike ride because I can't run fast enough for him. I went for a walk with one son.  I played tennis with by other son.

So I am active.

I have been really good with what I eat.  There was one bad, bad week.  But I have turned it around.  I am eating good and tracking my calories.

But it is a very hard journey.  I am constantly questioning if I can do the mud run.  I so want to turn tail and run the other direction.  It would be easy.  I think my sister would rather not do it.  There are so many paths between now and the mud run.  Each path has an escape route.  So far I haven't taken any of them.  That's all I can say.

Day 60 to Day 53 Recap

(Counting down the days to my Mud Run)

I consistently walked/ran.  I got in 6 walk/runs and went 7.4 miles. Not impressive but I did what I could. I ran a full mile, all the way, no walking, and no stopping. (Actually I did this 2xs.)  Yep, I do realize that that is a pathetic accomplishment.  But it is MY pathetic accomplishment and I am choosing to be happy about it. 

I tracked my food with My Fitness Pal.  I stayed close to my target calories.  I went over a couple of days but once again this is a start and I am going to be happy with it.   

I did not intentionally eat anything with gluten, soy, dairy, or eggs. More importantly I have had a major epiphany that resulted in a new attitude about food.  I am thankful now for the food I do eat.  I am thankful that I know what to feed my children to keep them healthy.  I don’t need processed foods.  I don’t need gluten, soy, dairy, or eggs. They are not good for me. I would rather have healthy children and be healthy myself.  

I do need to change my strength workouts.  I couldn’t find my Jillian M. tapes.  I am really bummed about this.  However, I stopped looking and am moving on.  I am doing the “5 Core Workouts for Stronger Running” that is on the Runner’s World website. They are the basic plank, side plank, superman pose, abdominal crunches, and abdominal crunches with a twist.  My goal is to do these exercises 2xs a week

 

Day 60 weight = 283 

Day 53 weight = 279

Days 60 to 53 were a good start and I built a solid foundation to improve on in the next 52 days.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream Made with Almond Milk

The best ice cream EVER!  (It is soy free unlike the store bought almond milk ice cream.)

Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream Made with Almond Milk

 

3 1/2 cups Almond Milk (unsweetened and no vanilla)

1/2 cup sugar

1/3 cup Smuckers Peanut Butter

3/4 cup Enjoy Life chocolate chips

1 tsp gluten free Vanilla

Place ingredients above in a sauce pan.  Bring to a boil using a medium to high heat.  Stir constantly! 

Boil 2 minutes.

Remove from heat and stir until boiling stops.

Let the mixture sit for a ½ an hour and then refrigerator for a ½ to 1 hour until chilled.  The ingredients will have separated a little.  Just whisk them back together before transferring to the ice cream maker.

Make according to your ice cream makers instructions.

According to My Fitness Pal with the recipe making 6 servings; it has 345 calories per serving.

We think it is the best ice cream we have ever had…..granted this is from a distorted gluten, soy, dairy, and egg of view.  It is the first ice cream Ben has had since before 3/1/2013.  (Zach doesn’t like ice cream.)  I had some ice cream around Christmas.  Yes, I did get really, really sick; 24-48 hours of uncontrollable sneezing with bladder leaking, snot running down my face, dizziness, and fatigue. What can I say? I thought it would be worth it when I ate it.  My mind is really good at justifying why it is a good idea to eat things that will make me sick.  That is why I am determined to not listen to that side of my brain any more.

I have made peace with grocery shopping.

Since we have gone gluten and dairy free grocery shopping has taken many unexpected turns for me. 

 

It started out as gluten and dairy free on April 1^st 2012 (a day I will never forget).  I took a day off work to “go gluten and dairy free”. I went shopping by myself.  I went to 3 different stores and spent over $300 on gluten and dairy free specialty products.  It was the right thing to do at the time.  It was a very hard change for my children and all the wonderful foods helped the transition. 

 

A few months pass before I realized soy was a problem.  So shopping turned into gluten, dairy, and soy free.  There are very few commercial products available that are all three. The products that are gluten, dairy, and soy free are expensive.  I started baking lots.

 

A few more months pass before the realization that eggs are bad.  Baking took a right turn into no-where-ville.

 

I tried my best to find processed foods that were gluten, dairy, soy, and egg free.  I resisted my very best not to go to whole unprocessed foods.  I really didn’t want too.  My children didn’t want to.  Yet everything I tried made someone sick. 

 

Finally in November of 2013 I drew the line in the sand.  I had made my children sick too many times and watched their misery.  I made a list of all the “safe” foods and everything else had to be a whole food. 

 

A whole food diet has been the hardest for me to accept and enforce. It is so hard not to give into a reasonable child that argues rationally to buy something in the store when you really want it too.

 

Even worse are the solo shopping trips when no one is around to see what you buy.  The cake, chocolate, candy, etc is so easy to slip in the compartment of the van on the way home to be eaten in private later. The little voice inside my head that tells me I deserve it and one won’t hurt.  But it will.  It will make me sick.

 

The internal struggle is time consuming and draining.  It takes every bit of my will power not to give in to.  I hating shopping.  I hated the fact that I couldn’t buy what I wanted.  I hated having to choose not to buy something.  I was going to write a whole post about how much I hated it.

 

But then I realized that I hate having to choose not to buy food.  There are so many people in this world that don’t have enough food.  Here I am with an abundance of food around me and the means to obtain it.  And I have the audacity to hate being in this situation. 

 

I am so very blessed. My children are healthy now.  I prayed and prayed for my children to be healthy and now they are.  Yet here I hate what I must sacrifice for them to be healthy. 

 

No.  That is NOT me. 

 

Thank you God!  Thank you!  I will thank you every time I go grocery shopping.  I will buy healthy foods. I will think you for blessing me with knowing what to buy.  I will thank you for blessing me with the means to buy food.  Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!  I cannot thank you enough.

I am doing a Mud Run.

There I said it.  It is official.  I have 60 days left to train.

It is a Dirty Girl Mud Run.  I am hoping this means it will not be hard core.  They say the obstacles are optional.  My sister is doing it with me.  I am VERY glad for this.

My goal is to start and finish.  Starting will be much harder than finishing because once I start there is only one way out….the finish line.  There are so many different paths that lead from here to the starting line.  Each one has an escape route.

I am scared.  I am trying not to freak out.  New things are so hard to do.  But I want this.  I want to be a person that does mud runs.  I want to be a runner.  I want to be healthy. I don’t want to be obese. .

So today I am just training….It is just training…..That’s all….Just a little stroll around the block.  Throw some running in whenever the watch beeps…..Nothing more…..Just a little training….Just today is all I have to worry about.

I have 60 days until my mud run.  These are my commitments for the next 60 days.

1) I will be logging all my foods into My Fitness Pal.  I will eat sensibly and absolutely no gluten, soy, dairy, or eggs for the next 60 days.

2) Tonight I have a date with Jillian and her 90 day body transformation tapes.  I started these before and they are hard.  So fair warning I do not promise to go according to the prescribed schedule.  I will work and do my best but if they are anything like I remember then they are brutal. 

3)  Finally, I will be walking/running.  Right now it is a little more walking than running but I am working on it.  I am hoping for everyday but realistically that isn’t going to happen.  So my goal will be 5 walk/runs a week.

I just got a brilliantly motivational idea. I have been thinking about adding pictures of me to the blog.  So the first picture of me that I will post on this blog will be of me finishing my mud run, covered head to toe in mud. 

I wonder about processed foods.

At my highest weight was 323 pounds.  I did not get that heavy by eating healthy.  No, I ate lots and lots of highly processed foods.

Even the “healthy” foods I bought were highly processed.  I really miss Ritz crackers and Laughing Cow Cheese – which I use to consider healthy.

Just typing that gave me a physical reaction.  I am not exaggerating at all here.  I typed “Ritz crackers and Laughing Cow Cheese” and a wave of blissfulness passed through my consciousness and my stomach clenched. 

Now before you all get the wrong impression I am still not a healthy eater.  I am still obese, 280.0 pounds this morning.  I still eat too much sugar.  I can make some mean chocolate candies.  My granola bars are to die for and filled with honey and brown sugar. 

However, all of the food I eat now is made from simple ingredients. Peanut butter is peanuts and less than 1% salt.  The honey is honey.  The brown sugar is brown sugar.  The rolled oats is oats.  Etc.  One ingredient foods.  I know what is in my food.

Laughing cow cheese I don’t have a clue.  Ritz crackers not a clue either. 

Plus, how can now a year later these foods have such a powerful hold over me?  I am willing to get sick and be miserable for days after I eat them.  The voice inside my head is so very good at justifying why it will be okay to eat them.  It seems like a perfectly sane thing to do at the time.

One more thing I wonder about is what is in the “Added Vitamins and Minerals” in cereals.  Case in point; I use to buy Gluten Free Rice Krispies.  The ingredients were brown rice and rice bran.  Then they changed their formula.  They started adding vitamins and minerals and BHT for freshness.  The new formula makes my family sick.  Granted when I call the company they guarantee there is no soy, gluten, dairy, or egg in them. This isn’t the first food that I have called a company on.  I get reassurances that there are no allergens that aren’t listed but the food still makes my family sick.

I am thinking about buying a pressure cooker and making my own puffed rice.

But I work here people.  I have a 45+ hour a week job.  I have 2 boys that need attention and help with homework.  I try my best to fit a physical family activity in every day.  Plus, I haven’t even started on housework.

Now I have to make my own puffed rice. 

This falls right up there with the mental struggle I had about cooking beans. No, I am still not over the fact that I have to cook my beans from scratch.  Soak them.  Drain them. Soak them.  Cook them.  Cooking beans is a 4-6 hour process depending on the bean. 

Puffed rice looks to be the same. Cook the rice.  Dry the rice.  Pressure cook the rice.  Yep, 3 hour job at least.

……….Time passes and I come back to this post……….

Why am I clinging to granola bars so hard?  Why do I feel the need to still make granola bars?  It is because this is the one “processed” feeling food we still eat regularly.  It is just so comforting.  Oatmeal with fruit or Polenta (that I grind ) with sausage (homemade) is a perfectly good breakfast. 

I guess I am still clinging hard to the old way I use to eat and feed my family.

But I did just order some Erewhon Crisp Brown Rice Cereal, No Salt Added.  If we can’t eat this then we will say goodbye to granola bars.

Welcome to the Dark Side….We have fruit.

My husband has finally come over to the dark side.  The last 2-3 weeks he has been sick; coughing and nasal congestion.

At first he thought it was a virus, then the theory was a reaction to new medicine, then he got antibiotics, then a different antibiotic….nothing worked.  He started to get better until he bought some baloney and then he got sick again. 

(I should mention that Hubby is very supportive of our new eating habits in front of me and the children.  However, what he chooses to eat when we aren’t around is up to him.)

Hubby does not want to admit he has joined the dark side but I know he has.  He has agreed to be really good with what he eats for the next two weeks to see how he feels. 

By the way being good with what he eats means no gluten, soy, dairy, eggs, flax seeds and hardly any processed foods. 

I am not sure what is up with processed foods and my children but they just don’t get along.  We recently tried Kix and Crispix again.  They are supposed to be gluten and soy free but I am still changing sheets every morning and it has been 4 days since we stopped eating them.  Plus my other son is a Drama King; has headaches and is fatigued. 

There are a handful of processed foods we can eat like, rice noodles, Enjoy Life chocolate chips, Heinz Katsup, Sweet Baby Rays Plain BBQ Sauce, rolled oats, Earth Balance Vegan Soy Free Butter, Lays Plain Potato Chips, Fritos Corn Chips, Tostitos Corn Chips, Smuckers Natural Peanut Butter, Smuckers Jelly and Udi’s bread.

(Caution: Udi’s bread is not egg free but as long as it is the plain sandwich bread my children can tolerate it, but not any of the other Udi’s products.)

Yep that’s it.  Everything else is single ingredient foods.  They may be canned or frozen but there is only one ingredient listed – not even salt.

I love you hubby….Welcome to the Dark Side….We have fruit!

Shopping

I went shopping after work yesterday.  I had eaten up all my salad supplies and needed more.  I had about 15 minutes due to a sick hubby (flu) and children that needed to start on homework.

I ran into the store and bought my salad supplies.  Then I went to get small plastic cups.  I passed by the cereal isle.  I passed by the baking isle.  I passed by the processed meats.  All I was seeing was things I couldn’t eat.  I headed down to the bakery.  Maybe I could splurge on a single serving piece of cake.  The 12 hours of uncontrollably sneezing and bladder leaking sure seemed worth it. 

But then I reminded myself of something that I vowed last week when I was miserably sick from having eaten something that I shouldn’t.  I said I would just tell myself that I don’t do that anymore.  I don’t eat that any more.  It all starts with one decision.  Here I was looking my one decision in the face.  Just say it.  I DON’T DO THIS ANY MORE.  It just takes right now this very minute to make the right decision.  Don’t look or think about anything but this one decision that is staring at you right now. 

I said it.  I turned my cart around.  I told myself….You can buy anything in this store that you want as long as it is something that you can eat.  Anything!  You can buy ANYTHING, it just has to be something you eat now.  I bought green peppers, onions, mushrooms and a really fatty red steak.  I haven’t eaten it yet but it is going to be good.

I went home and made my salad.  I ate a big bowl right away.  I had a big bowl for lunch today.  I am going to have a big bowl when I get home…..Then I will have to go to the store again. 

First Post

Wow, first post on a blog.  How does one get started with these things?  I feel like I need to explain why I want a blog.  Does that make sense?  Why does a person blog?  Are we just narcissistic individuals that want to talk about ourselves? 

For me the need to blog comes from the major life changes that my family is going through.  We…I have changed our eating habits drastically in the last year.  It started out as an experiment to see if a gluten and dairy free diet would stop bed wetting and then progressed into the solution to a wide range of health problems that my sons and I have been having for years.

The last year has been a long and winding journey with many highs and lows.  I have discovered a lot about everyone in my family.  What food makes them sick and what food sends their emotions out of control.

What I didn’t expect is in the process was that I would learn a lot about me as well.  For years the negative voice in my head (that won most of the time) said I was fat, lazy and had no self control.  Now I know better.  Gluten, dairy, and soy makes me extremely fatigued.  I have fought against that fatigue for as long as I can remember…early teens.  I am not lazy.  I was sick. 

I learned that I do have self control.  However, I have extreme food addictions to gluten and dairy.  Once I start eating gluten and dairy it takes a monumental effort to stop.

Now, I can lose weight.  No, it isn’t easy.  I have lots of bad eating habits.  That has gotten progressively worse over time with added weight and negative self image.  But I can finally see the promise of light at the end of the tunnel.

But the thing that gets me is…….How did I get to be an unhealthy 44 year old woman with 2 sons that were unhealthy and no one ever say to me…..Have you considered that you might have food sensitivities?

Nope, not one single person said this to me.  A doctor finally did mention it to me at a son’s doctor’s visit when we were discussing bed wetting.  This was about a year before we went gluten free.  I dismissed him at the time. But it planted a seed that grew and finally bloomed into a realization for me.  Without his mention, just casually, I would have never made the connection.  If fact I completely forgot about his suggestion until late one night when I was trolling the internet for information and a blog about gluten sensitivity and bed wetting came up.

I want my blog to plant seeds.  I want to plant seeds in other people that might not be feeling well.  Or that may have behavioral problems with their children.  Or that may have children that just seem to be sick all the time. 

Here is to the long and winding road that I am on.  May my journey continue to be long and hold new discoveries around every bend.  I will take these new discoveries and make the best of them.